Counties 3 Tribute Ale Somerset South

Wiveliscombe 2ndXV 12 Weston United 41

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and it's great to be back reporting on the United.

The United travel away to Wiveliscombe 2nds, sitting just off the bottom of the table, but nothing can be taken for granted, and those who have travelled to Wiveliscombe will understand that the home team know exactly how to get the best out of their pitch.

But let us focus on some of the important stuff first. I have had a smashing start to the season, and Autumn run into Christmas. The United aren’t doing badly, sitting in 3rd, but I have been on the road with the 1st team.

I enjoyed a super little walking holiday in the Brecon Beacons and the Gower with the lovely Yvonne. This was closely followed by a cycling trip to Cyprus with the Prince. It’s always a unique experience touring with the Prince, and some people believe medals should be awarded for completed tours.

If you’re into going flat out, swearing, guided tours where the guide doesn't really know where he’s going, hydrating on beer, vodka lime and soda and an unhealthy amount of red wine, stretching as part of your morning routine starting circa 04:30 and not eating until 20:00, let me know, you can go on the next trip.

We have a strong United on the road, with regular 1st-team player George “Sweetie Pie” Talbot returning from injury in the second row. I speak to soon, the big galette and murmured Andy Glen love child has been dragged into the 1st XV already. Just when we thought George was going to get the education he needs, Kieran Van Russell moves into the starting jersey - on no, he doesn’t – it’s clearly Panto season, Shaun Eaton gets the pleasure as he and Callum Bliss Climo make their return.

We also see Robson Bird returning to the United after a couple of weeks with the 1st Team. Robson hasn’t had a great season; it is immediately clear from his smile, which stretches from one ear to the other. It does make him look slightly simple, but you can't have everything.

The smiling is clearly infectious as Dad, Dave Bird, has re-signed for the club, and even this tight-lipped stalwart has a slight curl at either end of his gob. We also welcome Ollie Dadds into the backs returning from University. Ollie has spent the first term avoiding food poisoning and emptying his bank account, “It’s great to see mum and dad”, the work-shy student was heard to say. Talking of work shy, Huw Matthews returns from a couple of weeks skiing with the REME, yes, we’re paying for it.

Dadds and Matthews line up 10, 12 and 13 with Dan Beer; this should be interesting with three 10s. I just spotted Ross Chesher in the boiler. Let's hope with these waterlogged pitches, there’s little need for too much comms from the lisping wildebeest, can’t have the front row collapsing and drowning in his latest rant.

Ryan Donegan starts for the United in the front row and, true to form, doesn’t deviate from match day preparation. This always starts with a full English on Friday morning, followed by a double doner kebab and two litres of Tizer on Friday night.

The big’un did give a nod to the festive season, replacing his garlic mayo with a chill cranberry jam. Huw Matthews and Tom Blyth chose The Ship on Friday night for a couple of relaxers, which went wrong rapidly when Sam ‘The General’ Fish joined the beer school.

Both slipped in during the early hours, pathetic, but then they are backs, forwards would have gone straight to ground. Although on that point, Tom would have never found it, and I know he won’t mind me saying what a terrific job I did from the back seat getting the lads to the pitch.

We have a slightly early KO at 14:15 at Wivy and are moved to the training pitch, which is in good order, as they rest the first-team pitch for their Boxing Day derby with Wellington. Great to hear that these fixtures are still supported.

The United are led out by Rhodri Williams, and although absent a week or so ago, completing the annual Muntjac deer census on Steep Holm, Rhodri has provided consistency and a focal point around which the team has operated.

United kick off and put the receiving Wivy side under immediate pressure. Backs tackle well, forwards turn the ball over and Shaun Eaton scores with an outstretched arm to the line.

Wiveliscombe 0-5 United, 4mins

Wiveliscombe restart the game, and United win a scrum just inside the opposition half. A great scrum sees the forwards swinging handbags in the middle of the field, but Fin Simpson shows no interest, whipping the ball away to Dadds.

Quick hands, miss pass to Beer and loop to Matthews sees Marshall clear and in under the posts. Dadds collects the extras.

Wivy 0-12 United, 11mins.

The restart from Wivy is collected, and the ball is punted back downfield. Marshall chases the kick and creates pressure. Wivy is penalised for holding on. Robson Bird takes the initiative, quick tap and crosses the whitewash.

Wivy 0-17 United, 15mins

Midway through the half and we lose Fin Simpson with a nasty twist to the knee, and Charlie Beal comes straight on at 9. Forwards continue to play well, and Bird is cleaning up in the lineout. Great pressure from the United, but final passes not sticking, whilst Wivy spread very thinly, just holding on in defence.

Strong performances from Ryan Donegan, Vinnie Jones and Harry Nash guided them in the front row. Matthews and Beer working well in the centres release Chesher for some signature rampages up the middle, while spreading the ball to the wings and the ever-eager Marshall looking to join the line. Matthews puts Tom Blyth in space, and he’s not hanging around scoring out wide.

Wivy 0-22 United, 38mins

Half time - Callum Bliss-Climo makes way for Billy Kirk at No.8

Restart and good ball retention in open play, Matthews links with Dadds, who fires a rangy kick to touch deep in the Wivy half. The hosts secure the lineout but knock on in open play. A solid scrum from the United, Beal as the platform and flicks to Dadds, Beer and Matthews with Blyth completing out wide. Extras Dadds with a super conversion.

Wivy 0-29 United, 43mins

54 mins, Rhodri Williams off for Dom Hawkins.

Wivy build and sustaining pressure gives them the reward as the United’s defence gives.

Wivy 5-29 United, 56mins

Weston restart, gather the ball, the backs break with Ross putting in.

Wivy 5-34 United, 60mins

Beer breaks and goes all the way, under the posts and collects his extras.

Wivy 5-41 United, 70mins

Harry Nash off, Simon Hudson on, Vinnie Jones off, Dave Bird on, Robson Bird off, Rhodri Williams on.

Wivy breaks and goes under the posts. I blame the subs, but it's a deserved score nonetheless.

Wivy 12-39 United, 75mins

Donny is off after a great performance and a massive step in the right direction for the prop forward. Nash on to see the game out. Time for more handbags, and Jack Bridgman is dismissed from the field of play with a red card.

Jack, Jack really? John Harding is going to be fired up tomorrow.

Full Time Wiveliscombe 2nds 12-41 United.

Thank you to our hosts at Wiveliscombe for a lively game. Enjoy the Christmas break and your Boxing Day derby. We look forward to seeing you at the Rec in 2027.

Great performance from the United despite the many changes. Special mention to Charlie Beal, who delivered a mature game coming on early at 9. We wish Fin Simpson a speedy recovery.

Chesher and Eaton in the pack, and as ever, a fine vocal performance from Nash. Vinnie Jones is delivering consistency at 2. Our three 10s pulled all the shots, and Blyth scored a fine brace. Man of the match goes to a deserving Robson Bird, well done.

We did head off a bit sharpish back to the Weston, which isn’t really acceptable lads. Rugby is also about sharing a beer with our opposition after the game. We need to reflect on this and do better.

Finally, as a note of warning, there’s a lot of nasty stuff going around, winter flu, etc.

Unfortunately, Harry “I love beating my boy in the gym and sharing his pain on Instagram” Nash has come down with lime testicle. Spare a moment of thought as each of his jewels alternately grows to the size and colour of a ripe lime. There’s a cure, fortunately, and Harry will be spending his Christmas riding a 50cc moped around the Welsh hills until the problem subsides.

It was a fizzing rugby club to return to, three Ws and a great way to head into Christmas. More beers than I can count and a quick taxi to The Ship with the excellent Suggs. The Blyth family sat in the corner, where they were treated to the first verse of “Twice Daily” by the Wuzels and an amusing limerick about a girl from Flax Bourton. Guinness swallowed, and I retired to the sofa, avoiding the Pier Party.

See you next year. The pleasure is all yours

MonGoLikeRugby

Match photos HERE