Sat 25 Jan 2025
Saturday 25 January 2024, KO 14:30
This Saturday is why there are gaps in the league fixtures as pre-Christmas storms put pay to the planned party trip to Chard and Yeovil for the Athletic and we find ourselves in the second half of the season meeting Chard for the first time. Trips to Chard used to be regular fixtures but as leagues change for both clubs we haven’t crossed paths in many years. I feel sorry for the fellas who see the blank on the programme and concede weakly to a days shopping or a romantic weekend away, that’s what the summers for. It’s not really, you should be playing cricket or something else, any thing but shopping.
The trip to Chard had been eagerly anticipated before Christmas as a party day with coach laid on. Disappointingly we now travel after enjoying the Christmas spirit but the club have provided the coach, double disappointment Yeovil have cried off and the Athletic don't have a game although that’s not deterred James Hughes and Mike Anderson the hapless duo coming anyway and keen to consume their body weight in beer, no sign of dry January for these two.
As mentioned, numerous players are absent this week effecting both the 1st XV and therefore the United. Despite this, on paper we have a strong looking starting line up with Mike Powell eager in the boiler for only his second United selection and first start. The bench is looking somewhat dubious with yours truly having to pull on the neoprene knee guards, destroy a large amount of electrical tape and ready the coal tar soap for the post match bath, they still have baths don't they? Anyway I’ll try not to make it all about me. On the upside we see John Fleming on the bench and pulling on the shirt for the first time since he was an under 16 pre covid.
John was an aggressive 16 year old and loved to upset no.10’s before running off with a skate board to join a Dirty Sanchez tribute show and remodelling his entire image to look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. John now returns to us sporting a Zapata moustache and a pot beer belly expertly crafted while pouring pints in the Criterion. He still has the Shaggy look about him, or perhaps Shaggy’s dad, you decide.
I can’t go any further without congratulating Mark Penalty Magnet Walker on his 50th cap for the United. This begs the massive question, which idiot selected on 49 previous occasions. In fairness we all agreed that there must be a glitch in the records as we think he has played a lot more and has been a stalwart of the United and Athletic for many years. Mark has also volunteered to referee on many occasion but we all wished he hadn’t. Mark starts at no8 today and we know he will be fiercely competitive and won’t let us down.
United are on ground nice and early and in good form ahead of the game with Chard 2nds. The ground sits in the centre of town and is an excellent facility along aside the Cricket Club and hockey pitches with a great club house. The mentally challenged James and Mike head directly to the Spoons for a liquid lunch.
KO at 14:30 and Chard’s pitch is in good order but the recent rain is going to make it heavy going for both teams. A massive first scrum from the United is rewarded with a penalty as the forwards make clear their intention.
The first points are claimed by Rowan Bird but it’s a great effort form the backs. Dillon Way lifts the ball from the base of the ruck deep in the United’s half, it’s not a great ball and Huw Matthews has to juggle to control it and does so with the Chard defence closing rapidly. Matthews hits contact strongly and passes from the tackle lifting the ball into Nick Hawken’s path. Hawken breaks two tackles and pulls away crossing the half way. As he is tackled Rhodri Williams puts in an appearance for the forwards on Hawken’s shoulder and moves the ball quickly to Bird. Bird has some work to do but, bests the remaining defenders to cross the try line. Hawken has the last word stepping up to claim the conversion.
Chard 0-7 United, 10mins
Forwards, not happy with the backs getting all flash, want some of the action. Taking advantage of another strong scrummage the ball moves into a mural with Simon Hudson leading the charge and Powell backing him up for the drive over the line. Hudson scores and Hawken is good with the boot once again.
Chard 0-14 United, 20mins
Chard are certainly competitive but its going the United’s way, great forward pressure gives the backs the platform they need. The ball is shown the hands and Tom Blyth is in on the wing, 8 tries this season for the man with the strong handshake and air-freshener breath and he’s the United’s top try scorer. The magic dust is on Hawken’s boot as he slots over from out wide.
Chard 0-21 United, 25mins
Better work from Chard as they launch a stronger attack and ill discipline from the United with penalties awarded to Chard. The advantage is taken and Chard score a good try to give the United something to think about. R Usher scores and D Twose collects the extras.
Chard 7-21 United, 36mins
The United’s response is instantaneous with the ball won from the kick off. Charlie Owens breaks between 10 and 22 and goes on a marauding run all the way to claim a fine individual score. The golden boot of Hawken hits the upright to be denied the extras.
Chard 7-26 United, 37mins
An uncustomary high tackle from Hawken and it’s a Yellow Card, hands are shook there was no intention but Hawken is off, 10 mins rest, 38mins. An excellent contribution from Hawken but it will be Jack Bridgman coming on in the second half.
There’s a few minutes left to play and Blyth puts in a huge mid field tackle taking up the void in the centre left by Hawken. There’s clear improvements across the squad in terms of scoring but also evident in defence as confidence grows.
Half Time Chard 7-26 United
Also time for the ref to have a word with Walker, he’s started to notice Mark’s skill at giving penalties away…….
The second half starts with 14 on for the United and as the yellow expires Jack Bridgman is on to the wing and Blyth remains in the centre, 45mins. Weston are pushing hard and the scrum option is taken on the Chard line with a series on penalties. The referee final deciding he’s had enough and awards a penalty try.
Chard 7-33 United, 50mins
Powell having had an excellent game makes way for John Fleming on 50mins. Fleming is keen to introduce himself and very quickly the Chard 10 takes a dislike to the rangy wing forward, good work that man.
Hang on, hang on, it’s what we have been waiting for, Steve Donegan, man of the match candidate is off and it’s yours truly Mongo on 55mins. Having already established with the referee at the pre-match discussion I am more senior in age and by default know a little but more about the game than he does, he gets a knowing wink at the first scrum and all is right.
Solid scrum Mongo and we’re away and tackling, first contact with the fiery red head Chard prop and I get a bit of a stinger and the neck disappears, fantastic I’m back. We clear our half and chase into Chards red zone. The ball moves from the backs to the forwards and racing into the 22 Walker off loads to Chesher who crosses the line for his second try in two games. No extras but I’m pleased with myself keeping up with play, apologies to the PPA has you may of noticed a lack in reporting on the WhatsApp.
Chard 7-38 United, 59mins
Chard respond as the United did in the first half and come back immediately with a try of their own out wide the Chard 15 having a great game. J Prior scores.
Chard 12-38 United, 60 mins
It’s hard going for the United and defence is being stretched, Chard once more take the reward, A McKerrow collecting the points.
Chard 17-38 United 65mins
Time for a final change and H Matthews makes way for Clayton Dorrington, 70mins. Chard are f inishing strong and pushing for the bonus point. I don't mind a bit of tackling and was enjoying myself and lovely to hear following the game that Huw admitted to Donegan “to be fair my old man tackles better than both me and Rhys” I knew it anyway.
Ft Chard 17 -38 United
Tunnels were formed, cheers given and the United met for a final post match huddle. Really positive commentary from skipper Hudson, “players really stepped up this afternoon and individuals were excellent”, “Thank you”, I thought that was nice that he noticed me.
Thank you to our hosts Chard for a terrific game of rugby played in good spirit and providing entertainment for the lively home crowd. Chard were unlucky not to finish with a bonus point and pushed hard to the 80th minute. After the game they were terrific hosts, provided excellent food and beer. We enjoyed a Burns themed drinking game and look forward to welcoming them to the Rec on 22nd March.
The United enjoyed the coach trip home taking on refreshment at the Chard Spoons before self catering on the coach. The coach was fun and a thorough Court Session was engaged in. Returning to the club it was buzzing with the 1st Team also enjoying success with local crooners on the stage providing entertainment. Great team spirit from the United and a pleasure to pull the shirt on once again.
Backs Dillon Way, Huw Matthews, Max Paterson, Nick Hawken, Rowan Bird, Tom Blyth, Ollie Marshall
Forwards Simon Hudson (Capt), Charlie Owens, Steve Donegan, Ross Chesher, Mike Powell, Rhodri Williams, Vinnie Jones, Mark Walker
Reps (all used) Mark Matthews, John Fleming, Jack Bridgman, Clayton Dorrington
Epilogue - Having returned home reasonably early can I just say what a pleasure it was to be called out on a military mission at 0300 hrs to extract Sargent Williams and Craftsman Matthews from “Operation Let’s Drink Until We Don’t Know What We’re Doing and Have A Bit More So We Don’t Know Where We Are and Then Lose Trouser Legs, Get Covered In Mud and Storm Budgens On The Airfield”. Once extracted, a particularly difficult procedure involving the opening, getting inside and closing a car door, both continued to speak high level covert gibberish, fall asleep and give the impression their insides may erupt at any time. Medals won’t be necessary and this is the only dispatch they are likely to be mentioned in. Thank you for your service you pair of Charlie Uniform, November, Tango, Sierra’s
The pleasure is all yours
Mark Mongo Matthews
